Funny Facebook Status – Funny FB Status

Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.

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Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

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My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch.”

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A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots.

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Dear Blackberry, Why the cellphone with white color are costlier than the black one. Sincerely, Stop being racist.

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Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.

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How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that

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“Somebody told me to “put my money where my mouth is”. That sounds like a great way to catch a virus.”

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in 2012, I will be running in a 0.25 mile run in support of people with attention deficit disorder

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is noticing that all my New Year resolutions basically come down to “Try to be somebody else”.

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If i was stranded on an island, i’d definitely carry Dora with me, she has everything in her bag

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I don’t have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination.

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Every rule has an exception, especially this one.

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Life is a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.

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Nobody trust anybody these days, we lock the bathrooms even in our homes.

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There’s always a wild side to an innocent face.

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I’m not funny, I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

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The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

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Knowledge knows a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

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